If I want to be honest with you, I have started to dislike writing. If I even think about writing a blog or creating something for this website, I immediately shut down. I've thought about it for awhile to figure out why I am feeling like this. I've been writing my entire life. Literally got grounded so many times as a teen not because I got caught doing something bad, but because I wrote about it and left it laying out for my mom to read. (so stupid of me!) But as long as I can remember, writing has always been something to celebrate good times, process the bad, and bookkeep memories for later years. However, since writing my book and creating a website, I feel almost like I have "branded" myself to only write about the heavy parts of life. It felt liberating to write an entire biography/self-help book on the trauma, mistakes, and pain that I have endured throughout my life. However, that isn't me as a person and I can't onlyyyy write about those types of topics. In real life, I am a pretty easy-going person (don't ask my husband though, he won't agree!). I try not to harp on troubling times and normally after a good vent sesh, I'm over it. Definitely in the past year and even more in the past 4 months, I have been so intentional about finding the good in every day that by the end of the day, my hope is not to even remember the bad.
So that led me here. I was falling asleep the other night wondering when I if I would ever have the desire to write again. I had nothing life-changing or heavy to talk about. I have lots of beautiful moments traveling with my family, watching my kids in sports, celebrating our upcoming ten year wedding anniversary, and ordinary life lessons, but nothing to help you overcome heartache or hurt. Then I realized something that sparked a flame inside of my heart again: you aren't healing if you aren't celebrating the mundane in your day to day life. If every time that you speak, or every time you write, create art, sing, or whatever it is.. if you are expressing your trauma, then you haven‘t fully healed. Not to say we are all ever fully healed from some things. But in time, healing means you are able to see pieces of happiness inbetween moments of grief. That’s where I’m at. I‘ve moved
past most of the hurt in my past. I’ve accepted and overcome so much. I wrote a 50,000 word book on it. For now, I have to move on from that. As far as this blog goes, who even cares if I don't write about the heavy stuff? Let's be real, I have a total of 20 followers, mostly people that know me well enough to have already heard about the things I write about. I can change whatever "brand" that I thought I was creating. Because real me isn't harping on the trauma 24/7. Real me lives though the trauma, processes it, talks or writes about it, and then finds the lesson in it and moves on. This is me moving on now: finding a lesson in everyday. That's what I want to write about. It will be alot about marriage, growth, running, friendships, and figuring out how to get my two year old to stop calling her sisters a "dummy-ass". But that's my life and I love it and I want to share every part of it with you. There will inevitably be some hard stuff along the way, but for now...I am not going to stop writing because I put myself in a tiny box that I'm not willing to cram into. My hope is to write at least once a week about our adventures here in the Harnish home... so buckle up, it is a wild ride over here. :)
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